>>17515 >Your gaze fixates on the puddle forming in front of you. >With a lazy swipe of a wing, you break the imperfect reflection that was beginning to form. >The last thing you want to see is yourself. >”But you know… there’s always alternatives.” “...Like what?” >You hear him shift his weight a little. >”Could always get a job, but I… I know that’s probably hard to do right now.” >You lift your head a little and glare at him. “Because I’m a stinky no-good hobo pony?” >”You’re really fixating on that, huh? Also I never called you ‘no-good’, you’re just adding that yourself, mare.” >Your shoulders begin to sag. “Well it’s true! All… All of it.” >You take another deep breath, but it doesn’t do much to stop the pounding in your chest. “I’m just some useless, defective toy…” >”Do you really believe that?” “Why else would I be here? If I wasn’t, I’d be safe and sound in some cozy house surrounded by people who actually care a-and like me more than they ever did…” >It’s getting hard to breathe. >“They?” >You wave a hoof. “No… ‘They’ isn’t the word I’m looking for. It was just *her*. She didn’t even bother to send me back after she got her stupid refund. No, that’d be too easy! She just… just…” >You’re trembling. >Stop that. >But… but you can’t. >It’s just so vivid in your mind. >You paw at the wet ground with a forehoof, your eyes still glued on the puddle. >Your reflection has been reformed. >That wretched waste of space stares back at you, once more on the verge of tears. “...In the park.” >Your voice cracks. >”What?” >You turn to him. “I-it was supposed to be a game! But she lied... Every little thing she said was a lie…” >Each mimicked word is bitter as it leaves your mouth. >”Let's play hide and seek! Do you know how to play? No? Well, I can teach you! You just face this tree, close your eyes, and count to this really high number I just made up! Once you finish, all you gotta do is come find me, okay?” >Eight hundred and fifty-two. >That’s how high you got before you couldn’t take it anymore and opened your eyes. >How many minutes is that? >Long enough for her to be across town, that’s for sure. >You searched every inch of that park. It was fun for the first say… twenty minutes? >But then you realized you couldn’t find her. >Anywhere. >You thought that maybe it was some kind of joke at first. Or that you simply weren’t doing it right. >The absurd number, her disappearance… >It ate you up inside, but Medley would reassure you. >Maybe she just lost track of you? Maybe she was preparing some kind of surprise? Maybe maybe maybe… >So many justifications for someone who you’d never see again. >But you naively clung onto that hope as well. >You wanted to be wrong. You wanted everything to be okay. >You wanted to go home. >So you sat yourself under that tree she ushered you to and… waited. >You waited until the sun dried up and you were left in the dim lamp light that illuminated the cold nighttime park. >You would have continued to sit there and wallow if it hadn’t been for a stranger and his dog. >He would walk up and greet you in a cheerful manner that briefly snapped you out of your funk. >He told you that it was probably too late for a pony to be out playing all by her lonesome. That you should probably fly home for the night… >You agreed, simply stating that you’d ‘flutter home in a jiffy’ and let him walk away. >But you couldn’t fly. >And you didn’t know where home was yet. >Where your family lived. >Where Millie… “Millie…” >You were supposed to be her friend. >And… and for a brief moment, you thought she was yours too.

>>18240 >She liked you. >Both of you. >But then her mother found out. About your bum wings, about Medley… >About how you weren’t as advertised. >She got mad at you, as if you lied to her. >You promised and promised that you didn’t, and that you would be a good pony, despite your flaws. >But she didn’t want ‘you’. She wanted… >What was her name again? >Sprinkle? >You’ve asked Medley about her, since she apparently shared a name with her, but she knew as much as you did. >So not a lot. >What research you could get in before you got kicked out of the library led you to a pony who barely existed. >Just another smiling face in the background. >Did she even have a personality to draw from? >It… probably didn’t matter. >What matters is that you weren’t perfect. >And that’s what she wanted. >Perfection. >And you tried. >God, did you try… >And for a while, you thought it was working. >You took Millie under your wing and was the best buddy you could be. >And then one day… you were rewarded for your efforts with that trip to the park. >Millie not coming with you should have tipped you off, but you trusted the mother. >Despite it all, you still trusted her. >You wanted to be her friend too. >And the worst part? >You were… excited. >You got to leave the house for the first time and see the world. >The warm sun was pleasant on your coat, the smell of flowers and freshly cut grass lulling you into a false sense of security… >Medley was overjoyed. >You hate that woman for breaking her heart. >Breaking your heart… >You rub the sides of your face with your forehooves. “Stupid, stupid, stupid…” >A part of you wonders if Millie remembers you. >If she wonders where you went. >But maybe there’s already another ‘you’ there. >Would she know the difference? >You let out a drawn out sigh. “Whatever, it’s… it’s over now.” >Now it’s just you and Medl- >”Well that was easy.” >Upon realizing how close he’d gotten, you jerk your head up a little too hard, resulting in a resonant ‘bang’ ringing out from the half-empty dumpster as it collides with the metal. “Ffff… ow…” >You look over at the man, rubbing the back of your head. ”What was -bluh- easy?” >“Getting you to spill the beans.” >You blankly stare at him as he places a hand on your shoulder. >”Sure, it was just disjointed mumbling at times, but I… I think I get the jist of it.” >He pats your shoulder and then lets his hand slide off and settle at his side once more. >“I’m sorry you were abandoned, I… I know that must hurt. A lot.” “But I… oh…” >You try to protest, but it just comes out as a feeble murmur. >All that push back and you couldn’t even keep your trap shut. >You should have just listened to Medley… >You should have known that deep down it would have ended up like this regardless... >You lower your head, your soggy mane barely hiding the pained expression on your face. “I don’t get it. I did everything right.” >You used every ounce of energy you had to do what you were made for. To make that little girl happy. To keep yourself seeming useful… >You barely slept. >You barely ate. >You fainted at least twice from exhaustion. >But no amount of effort would have changed things, huh? >There wasn’t some secret special thing you could have done to make her mother accept you. >All roads lead to this. >You, huddled beside a dumpster. Eating scraps. >Or at least attempting to, anyways…

>>18241 >You sniffle, not bothering to wipe away the tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. “Are you happy? Can I go now?” >”Where would you even go?” “I- I…” >You grit your teeth, a bubbly indignation rising in the pit of your stomach. >’...Meadow?’ >Your ears perk ever so slightly. >’M- Meadow… It’s okay.’ “B-but-” >’You don’t have to beat yourself up! I’m not mad or- or sad or anything! I just… I just wanted us to be honest. And you were! You told the truth a-and that’s good! You did good.’ “I-I’m… I’m Sorry. I- I yelled and I shouldn’t have…” >’Don’t be! You were scared and I… I wasn’t making things any better. I was pushy.” “No you weren’t! Not at all! I was the one at fault and- and…” >You trail off, having once more realized the man was staring at you. >”Hey uh...” >You hesitantly lift your gaze to meet his. >”Do you… talk to yourself often?” >’Oh, I forgot he can’t… uhm… w-we can talk later! I’ll… let you handle things from here.’ >Meddy… >Well… at least you know the shy little mouse in the back of your head isn’t mad at you. “It uh… helps me think. T-talking to myself, I mean…” >”Uh-huh?” “I- I know I probably sound nuts at times, but I promise I’m not like, nutty for real. I’m nut free, you see.” >”Uh-huh…” “A-and for your information, yes, my head is fine! It barely stings anymore.” >Which is great. You’d rather not add a headache to your pile of woes. >Not waiting for him to speak further, you pick yourself up. >The tremble in your legs was apparent, but it wasn’t enough to deter you. >You needed to feel in control, and being able to figuratively take flight at a moment's notice eased your nerves. “To answer your question, I… I *do* have someplace to go.” >He raises an eyebrow. “Really now?” “Of course! Do you think this is the only place that throws out food? I- I have backups… Tons of backups.” >’Sis…’ >”Name one.” >You blink. “W-well, I…” >You stamp a hoof down. “T-the taco place down the street!” >”Really now?” “Y-yeah… I’m sure they’re throwing out tons of… churros?” >In all honesty, you’ve never had one before, but the thought of snagging something sweet, no matter its sogginess, was a little enticing. >The man folds his arms together. >“Must have quite the iron belly to stomach the rat poison they sprinkle in their dumpster...” >’P-poison?! O-oh gosh…’ “Whuh- T-that can’t be legal!” >He shrugs. “No clue, mare. Just thought I’d give you a heads up seeing as you’re so inclined to dumpster dive….” >His expression tells you he isn’t messing with you. “I… Thanks…” >Your body slumps against the dumpster, the fatigue of a long, fruitless night starting to get to you. >Nothing. >You gained nothing from this. >You wasted both of your time being here, and even if you had chosen somewhere else close by… there’s a high probability that you could have gotten yourself killed. >You can almost imagine it. You, choking on your own spit as your shared consciousness slips away. >The only comfort you have is that you physically can’t die alone. >You’d… take Medley with you. >The thought of dying is… sobering. >It makes you feel wobbly and lightheaded. >And a little shaky. >You don’t like it one bit. “I guess… I guess that’s that, huh?” >”What do you mean?” >You let out a soft, defeated sigh. “It’s too cold and wet to keep trying… Not to mention the fact that I'd rather keep kicking… Might as well just find a decent enough nook to wallow and rot in… At least for tonight.” >’S-Sis, don’t talk like that!’ >Why shouldn’t you? >The world at large is just one big mouse trap ready to snap your neck at its earliest convenience… You'd rather not give it the satisfaction. >Go huddle in a corner, Meadow… Maybe cry a little. >Or a lot. >It doesn’t matter in the long run… >Tomorrow is another day. >A fresh start. >You may go hungry tonight, but you’ve survived worse. >A few hunger pangs won’t kill you. >You’ll be okay. >To spite *her*... >And for Medley’s sake.

Happy Thanksgiving /bootleg/. I miss writing. I started around this time five years ago. I haven't been able to write for nearly a year and a half, consistently, due to everything having gone to ruin and only has gotten worse. If nothing else, writing greens is the singular point in my life I can feel proud of. >>18237 It is. Big brain idea is that they're mirror images. And they are. Their one crucial mix is one went down with a sinking ship, and the other went for a life raft.

>>18262 Why arent you writing anymore?

>>18274 It's a very long story. But I will get back to it. https://w2g.tv/?r=c4d4j8fdsvvxu2av9q It's been a while, starting a little late tonight.

My laptop died a few days ago. Ponepaste still exists but I'll have to re-copy everything again to have offline copies. It also means I need to go back through the threads over the last few years to get every /bootleg/ picture. Reposting what you have will be very helpful.

>>18320 Dman that sucks. Do you know if the data is recoverable?

>>18322 The OS SSD has 0 connection, it is either that is dead, or the motherboard is. Everything was on the SSD. External drives just had some movies and shows on them. Had it for six years. First started writing Jacky on it. I must've put over 1.5m words on it, if not more. Not just what I wrote in greens but other random crap I'd effectively ball up and throw away after. Until my legal shit ends and I can start my life back up, I can't afford to replace it.

>>18323 You should try the drive in another machine if you can. Even if it is dead, you can always hold onto it and look into data recovery later.