Posted this over on /moon/. Figured I'd post it here too.
Little Luna holds aloft her oar, the only means of propulsion for her mighty vessel, a barrel she managed to drag into the stream not far from the castle.
>Forsooth! I shall embark upon this quest to save Equestria from the evil shadow king and avenge the honor of Equestria! Nought shall deter me, nor prevent mine sword of justice from dispatching evil!
She uses the oar to push her "vessel" into the stream.
>Behold! I sail forth upon the Sea of Calamity! No doubt many perils await, but I shall duly meet and surpass each!
Luna's vessel goes a ways down the stream, with her paddling a bit to help it along. In short order, it gets stuck on a berm of sand just beneath the surface.
>Ah! So, I have been ship-wrecked upon a deserted and forsaken land. Curses upon the shadow king for sending the storm that smashed this good and worthy vessel!
Luna looks around suspiciously.
>Methinks this land is covered with the stench of evil. Perhaps the shadow king is hereabouts.
Luna jumps out of the barrel, wooden toy sword clenched in her teeth, and wades to shore.
>Now having bestrode this land I see yon castle of some wicked minion of the shadow king. I must dispatch the guards, storm the castle, and slay him! Surely, stealth shall be at my side to approach the gates!
Luna dives behind a row of bushes and creeps up on the guard ponies at the castle entrance. They watch her in amusement but pretend not to see her. When she is close enough, she jumps out at them.
>Avast foul demons! I, Luna, knight of the moon and stars will slay you and dispatch the insidious evil what infests this castle! En garde!
The guard ponies smile at each other, and draw the toy wooden swords Luna gave them earlier with explantation that they were to be the bad guys. Then one replied.
>Vile knight! Here you meet your end! We demons will triumph and the shadow king will rule forever! Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Epic "battle" ensues. Eventually, the guards let Luna get the upper hoof. She pokes one in the belly.
>Ah! You've pierced my wicked heart! A mortal blow! I am done for!
He falls to the ground. Luna wheels around and with a fierce gaze of justice, kabonks her sword on the flank of the other guard.
>Oh, the pain! My hind legs are off! But, you haven't won! I shall call the other guards with my trumpet.
The guard begins to lift the trumpet to his lips, slow enough to let Luna take the decisive blow.
>Oh no you don't! Back to the nether realms where you belong, fiend!
She pokes him in the belly.
>Ah! I'm done for! Ack! I'm dead.
Luna momentarily surveys her work.
>Huzzah! Demons have no chance against the mighty force of justice! And now to storm the castle!
Luna charges into the castle.
>Victory for Equestria!