>>21141 >Octavia steps onto the small platform serving as a stage and surveys the tavern >Ponies of all sorts mill about, eating food, drinking cider >There's even a hoofful of stallions gambling in the back >You briefly wonder if that's legal, but you're quick to shake the thought out of your head >Focus, Octavia >You have work to do >You click open your instrument case and take a second to admire your cello >Every time you look at her, you feel like it's been too long >Picking it up and positioning it is an easy and immensely relaxing movement >As if you're whole once again >One more look out to the unaware crowd, and you close your eyes >Your hooves start moving, teasing the notes out of the strings before you can even think of what to play >Ah, it's this piece tonight >The Ship Maljon >The tale of the finest of sailors meeting a cold, cruel fate at the hooves of his only true love >You always felt a sort of kinship to that one >As the music flows, it becomes the only thing you can hear >The only thing you can taste >The only thing you feel >Your hooves move faster >Your heartbeat races >The music is building >The crescendo rising! >Here it is! >The climax! >Your eyes snap open and your brought back to the land of the mortals >The entire pub is silent >Everypony is staring at you >Your lungs are heaving in air >You forgot to breath while playing again >You clear your throat, give a quick bow, and start packing up your things >Hopefully the manager wouldn't get grubby with your pay just because you got carried away Tags: >Speaker >Broccoli >Remodeling

>>22265 My bad, didn't realize that pic had Shimmer. Also didn't realize that a warning is indistinguishable from a ban, seeing as I just spent 30 fucking minutes trying to post this.

>>22265 >A young Pinkamena Diana Pie finds herself in a dank and dark basement, the light swinging over them flickering as water drips from the ceiling >Mane down portraying her emotion and the feeling of both anger and sadness inside her overwhelming her emotions >Her so called "friend", had wronged her in a way that she just couldn't let go without some SERIOUS payback >Little Mrs. Pie sits at a round plastic red filly table, on a light blue chair, rocking forward and back, forward and back >Across from her sits Rainbow Dash, tied to a small light yellow chair, her mouth covered with ponytape >Dash is sweating, panting with fear, as Pinkie tells her what's about to happen to her >"So Mrs. Rainbow CRASH!, are you ready to make up for breaking my Funny Bake Oven™?" >Rainbow Dash looks at Pinkie Pie before her eyes quickly dash back to the floor, fear overwhelming her >Pinkie pie looks Rainbow Dash in her fearful eyes and yawns, "oh well, maybe this'll help" >Pinkie pie pulls a toy microphone out of her seemingly out of no where, quickly followed by a child sized boom box that also seemed to come out of no where >Pinkie spun the volume wheel on her toy microphone, it quickly spinning like the wheel on a speeding Manehatten taxi chariot >*cough* *cough* *ahem* Pinkie leaned in closer to her mic, her lips dripping with anger >DO YOU HEAR ME NOW DASHIE!!! >Young Dash, along with her filly chair fell to the floor surprised that her ears were being blasted >She found herself in a puddle of water that quickly wetted her rainbow mane >All of this causing her to go further into panic, her ears hurting from the load pink noise >Desperatly she tries to protest with an *mh m mph!* but is muffled by the tape around her young muzzle >The pinkest of the Pie sisters slowly rose from her chair, lazily she trotted over to her to be punished victim >Her small hooves making quiet but echoing splashing noises, as they moved across the nearly competely flooded floor >Leaning in closer to her victim, she breathed heavily, mere inches across from Dashes panicked face >Tufts of fur on her soft blue ear pointing upwards as Pinkies warm breath lands across it >A drip of saliva falls down right onto Dashes neck, leaving a long wet trail through her fur >"Well Dashie are you ready for you're PUNISHMENT"?!?! >Dash began trying to scream through her taped covered muzzle, to no use, as right as she began to get loud, Pinkie pie put a hoof on the back of her wet head >All that came from Dashes desperate cries were quiet bubble noises from the puddle she found her muzzle shoved into >Ooh Dash, don't you know that calling for help isn't going to help? >Pinkie leaned in even closer to Dashes ear before saying "It's time" >Dashes pink capturer laughed like a maniac from a Nightmare Night movie, but somehow even scarier and more crazy >Before long Rainbows eyes shot open as she heard that dreadful sound >*beep*! *beep*! *beep*! >Pinkies hair shot back up instantly from her flat plain mane, into her usual curly mane >Ooh, sounds like it's ready, Pinkie said with a cocky grin, rubbing her hooves together allowing Dash to lift her head out of the puddle >Only for Dash to try rolling away in her filly chair to no use right as Pinkie moves away >Pinkie pie quickly galloped to the only remaining shelf left in the dank basement, a pretty pink microwave sitting atop it, with steam pouring out of it's sides >With a loud *click* Pinkie Pie opened the microwave door, more steam flooding out of it as the smell of microwaved broccoli filled the room >Dashes chest heaved, heart racing with panic, and her face portraying nothing but raw fear >Dash could of swore she heard the sound of her heart loudly thumping, as Pinkie wasted no time in bringing a plate she carried in her mouth, full of evil green "food" closer to her, threating her nostrils with its smell >A wave of steam covered all of Pinkies face, with the exception of the top of her mane and the tips of her slightly large ears >Dropping the plate down on one of the only non-w

et parts of the floor >Pinkie stared at Rainbows terrified eyes, the gears grinding together in her head as she realises what is wrong... >Silly Dashie you can't eat from over there! >Pinkie hopped over to get her "friend", somehow having managed to splash water all over Dash, yet not getting a drop on the still steaming plate of broccoli >With a droop of her head, Pinkie grabbed the back of the rope on Dashes filly chair with her teeth, dragging it along the ground to what Dash believed would be her end >Shaking her head back and forth as well as despertely trying to move back from her would be demise, she quickly found that Pinkie had snuck on top of the back of her chair >With her right wet pink hoof, pinkie ripped the ponytape right off of Dashes muzzle, quickly covering Dashes loud yell with her left hoof >Pinkie looked over at the piece of tape she held, she noticed it was covered in blue hair, gritting her teeth and letting out a nearly silent "ouch" she threw the tape off to the side and refocused on her victim >Mrs. Pie then said, in a quiet sadistic tone directed souly to Rainbow Dash "Well Dashie! this is it!" quickly followed by mischievous giggling >Moving her left hoof slightly to the left of Dashes muzzle, and resting her right hoof directly onto the back of Dashes head she pressed ever so slightly against it, forcing Rainbows muzzle to get closer and closer to the steaming green mass >Tears fell from Dashes eyes as she began to accept her fate, her life ending here and now, destroyed by her own best friend >The green head of something her muzzle had never touched before violating her senses >Thinking to try and beg to Pinkie one last time she made the mistake of opening her mouth, and right as she did... >"EAT" Pinkie said with a yell, her right hoof pushing Dashes head down, and causing the violating green object to go straight into her mouth >Dash began choking instantly as it's unfimilar taste caused her to gag and make loud sputtering noises >Like a warrior downed in battle but unwilling to give up, Dash tried again and again to move away from the plate of horrors to no avail >Pinkie let out a quiet sigh and leaned towards Dash and bringing her hooves down to Dashes mouth, cupping the top with her right hoof and bottom with her left >"Oh COME ON Dashie, it's not THAT bad!" she said, as she forced Dashes mouth to move her green assailants head past her tear stained lips >Dash let out a hopeless squeal as she loudly swalloed her demise... >The quiet in the grungy wet basement was almost deafening, nothing but the sound of dripping water and Pinkies quick and scary yet ever slowing breathing could be heard. >"Huh you know Pinkie, that really wasn't that bad" >"Well duuuuh Dashie, what did you think, that I'd feed you poison or something" >Just then the door opened, and out from it came Mr. and Mrs. Cake carrying mops and planks of wood in purpose built Earth Pony saddle bags >Mrs. Cake spoke first "alright now little Fillies playtimes over, time to clean out the water in this basement and get to fixing the..." >Mr. and Mrs. Cake looked over to the two wide eyed fillies currently staring back at them, one on top of the other with the bottom one tied to a chair, her mane an absolute mess and her eyes wet as if she'd been sobbing for days, yet managing to look more bothered by being caught like this than by whatever had just transpired in the Cakes basement >Mr. Cake spoke up, "d-do I even wanna ask this time Pinkie Pie?" he said with a tired voice, as if he'd seen it all before >"OH OH!" Pinkie shouted "I was just teaching my best friend in the whole of Equestria here to eat her greens, and I think she enjoyed them too!" >Both Cakes looked over to Rainbow Dash, this time Mrs. Cake speaking "is that really aaall that happened here?" she said, drawing her words out and raising an eyebrow at Dash >Dash uttered out a weak "y-yes mam" towards the mare of the house hold >Mr. Cake let out a sigh of relief, followed up by Mrs. Cake speaking "well alrighty then you two, we'll give you a

few minutes to clean up, but then it's back to your chores for the day Mrs. Pie" >Pinkie groaned "yesss mam" *ugh* >And with that Mr. and Mrs. Cake trotted back upstairs closing the door behind them. >Rainbow Dash spoke in a raspy voice "can you untie me now, I can't really help you fo your chores like you asked if you keep me tied up like this" Tags: >Waterfall >Coconut >Octopus

>>21141 Maybe I should have read the op before typing all of that... Either way, I didn't get to see this Anons >>22265 Image

>>21141 >short greens heh ya.... I'd really appreciate it if people shit talked my Pinkie Pie and Dash greentext, as it's my first attempt at really writing a decently long story and I need the feedback, no matter how negative.

>>23434 >>23437 >>23439 UNF iwiwrd

If my green is bad what do? I only made 1 or 2 green stories in my time at /mlp/

>>23454 Started reading it and thought "Oh, yet another dyke domination green." But, I decided to keep reading and was pleasantly surprised that it turned out to be a cute/innocent story of Pinkie uring Dash of her fear of eating vegetables. I think, if ypu want to make it more consistant overall, ypu shpuld avoid using the word "punishment", which is severe considering the plot. Maybe find some similar, but less severe word.

>>23857 Post it. Reading critiques is one of the best ways to improve.

>>23857 Yes, this (>>23913). Only way to get better is to receive criticism. Steps to get better: 1) Post your green 2) Receive criticism 3) Don't get butthurt 4) Use criticism to improve your next green. 5) Repeat. It's an iterative process.

>>23871 I'm glad you were pleasantly surprised by it, I'll try and tone it down if I end up doing sonething similar down the line. >>23857 I get that What>>23913is saying might be a bit scary, but you gotta do it