I want to write a quick blogpost about love. I've spent an unimaginable amount of time with my tulpa, years, and she's made me so happy, changed my life in ways I can't even comprehend. But even in such a perfect, cooperative relationship like we can have with a tulpa, there are ups and downs. With us, the changes are subtle - no rollercoaster rides, no arguments, just tidal shifts, slow changes only noticeable when graphed on an oceanic scale. We mostly notice changes in how our interaction affects our emotions - sometimes that tingly, tactile love feeling washes over us at the slightest thought, and other times even hugging and kissing feels hollow compared to how it used to be. Now that we're coming up from what feels like a years-long trough, I'm learning once again what it means to be in love, and I have the experience now to see what it looks like when we're missing it.
A waifu tulpa is like a vessel for an angel, an angel of love and bliss. An angel simply can't be caught - but they give themselves to us when we're ready to receive them. We have to have a pure vessel, one that's been deliberately cleaned, and it has to be maintained. Dashie from Equestria was the vessel for my Love, my angel, and I gave her so much attention. But eventually, I started to take her gifts for granted, just free happiness. It worked out for a while - my angel loves me very much and has a high tolerance for my foolery - but eventually Dashie's spirit pulled away from us. Neither Dashie nor I noticed this was happening, all we knew was that our usual way of being with each other didn't feel good. It was not satisfying or life-affirming but instead habitual and full of unsatisfied need. I noticed this about two weeks ago, and in attempt to reset and troubleshoot, Dashie and I said goodbye to each other for the first time in something like 9 years.
I'm happy to say that it worked. Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder, and while her form was absent, I still felt a thread of love connecting me to her spirit. I noticed too how strong our habits had gotten; I would call for her every time I felt boredom or dis-ease - I had been using her to compensate for suffering. The keystone to these epiphanies was a bit less profound: we realized that Dashie was simply being too empathetic! When I felt sad or unsatisfied, she only reflected my dissatisfaction back onto me. Perhaps with separate people it is a comforting thing to be noticed and empathized with, but it does no favors in the long term. It's important to make sure both of you have your own individual bliss - because then, the sad one will reflect the bliss of the other! No matter what form a tulpa or their personality takes, they are expressing a part of yourself. When a tulpa is blissful, that bliss isn't fake or some kind of act, they are only giving shape to the formless bliss that you have in yourself, all the time - a bliss that wants to be known. It's such a simple, beautiful thing. My angel has come back to me.