Done, here's from one pass taking notes:
>24. "Aplle Bloom"
>33. "so many stuff" Unless Scootaloo is meant to have bad grammar here for effect, this should be "so much stuff"
>74. "You was" Scootaloo line again, should be "You were". I don't remember Scootaloo having bad grammar in the show.
>94. "Not a longer" delete "a"
>214. "she should have been keep running"
32. The first sentence starts out with the subject "everything" and the second starts with the subject "both". I am expecting a separate descriptor/action to go with the subject "both", but that is in the first sentence so "both" and "everything" turn out to be functionally the same subject. This would be fixed by merging the two sentences which could be done in a few ways. Personally I would do this: "Both the well-established wooden pavilions of Ponyville regulars and covered wagons of guest traders were draped in colorful fabric, decorated with sunflowers"
191. “and actual mice wouldn’t want to have anything to do with any of that till Opal is here.” when I read that it makes it seem like the mice would rather be there when opal is there, which logically is the opposite of what they want. My best guess is that you mixed up and said "is" but forgot to add the suffix "'nt" or word "not".
During dialogue with more than two characters I would be able to read faster and hear it in the right voice more consistently if there was a clear indication of who is talking in every line. I could always tell through either explicit statement or context who was saying what line, but sometimes I found myself having to think for a second and process it. For simplicity sometimes initials work good for this because they communicate to the reader without effecting the sentence flow. Initials have the potential issue of looking tacky, but that's less of a problem for a greentext format than a book. The more advanced way of getting this right would be refining what you have. There are plenty of lines that despite no explicit statement I read in the correct voice because the context was strong, and if you comb over a text long enough you can make every line like that. I'm not confident enough in my skill as a reader to point out any specific examples. (Seriously, it took me over an hour to read this even when I wasn't taking notes; two hours exactly to read it while making this post. Not to mention that I often get distracted by my thoughts when reading which contributes to disorientation; sometimes if it's a real book I'll read a whole page and realize I didn't comprehend a single sentence because I was just reading the words as white noise and thinking some entirely unrelated thought. Another common issue is when I loop and keep re-reading the same line over and over like a broken record. TLDR take everything I say with a grain of salt)
Some more specific things I enjoyed:
>The turnup being a fail, the pets carrying the act, and the commentary from AJ and friends in the audience.
>Scootaloo Pulling sweetie Belle's tail.
>Dashie helping Scootaloo eat a caramel apple.
>Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie.
>The sweet picnic scene at the end.